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After The Honeymoon Phase

Jessie MaComment

Today, I asked my sister’s boyfriend how long him and my sister have been together. "Almost 6 years, I think. Why?"

"Oh I was just curious. You two still seem so in love. Like you never left the honeymoon phase."

"We did leave the honeymoon phase, though."

"Oh?"

"Definitely. Obviously, things change after so long. But they change for the better. I can honestly say that each day with her gets even better. Easier. More fun. Full. Comfortable. Crazy. Everyone assumes that the honeymoon phase is the best phase. And that it’s all downhill from there. No, don’t believe that. It is true that the phase isn’t forever. But what they don’t tell you, or don’t know themselves, is that, with the right person, you move on to better phases. Unthinkably better phases. And if anyone tells you otherwise, they haven’t experienced the right person."

In high school Econ, I learned that everything in life has diminishing value.Even relationships. And I’ve gone through it first hand, where the spark dies out and what you feel for or share with someone doesn’t live up to what you hoped for, believed would last. And that’s what we hear, all the time- that passion gets cold, love turns sour, your heart gets exhausted of supply, and your commitment to someone is attributed more to a feeling of obligation than of unconditional affection. So many couples are “together,” but not in love. And that’s the norm. It breaks me.

So this was a breath of fresh air to hear. And I see how they interact in real life- he’s not kidding. I’ve never seen them be anything but loving towards each other, and it’s true that the attachment has grown even more prominent (and sickening) over the years. I envy that they’ve found something so promising in their relationship, a love that grows exponentially. It gives me so much relief that there exists a type of love that will make a “honeymoon” type of love pale in comparison.

The honeymoon phase is the most talked about, (and the only one that’s even unofficially labeled,) because it’s the easiest to experience. Most of us can say we’ve felt this crushy-giddy-butterflies-in-stomach-dream-like enchantment of a love before. And most have moved on to the phase following it.. but it’s more often been a lesser, watered-down version of the honeymoon phase. I am fiercely hopeful that that’s not all we can have.

I used to spend night after night lying awake, wondering to myself, “Is this really all there is?,” as I felt myself falling out of the honeymoon phase, not into another one, but simply.. falling out. I lost faith in love each time I inched closer to the expiration date with any person.

I want, so badly, not just a love that lasts, but a love that grows. And I know it doesn’t grow on its own. Even the most self-sufficient flowers need sunlight and water to bloom. And so I’m prepared to give, to share, to do all it takes to nurture it.

"I’m not saying we’ve never had any challenges," he went on.

"But that no matter what we face, we’re facing the same direction. Neither of us are perfect. And life gets fucking tough at times. We work for it. Yet somehow, with her, it’s easy. We’re still growing, but it’s easy."

Hey, you.

Yes, you.

You

make it so easy.

I feel myself falling up, into this lesser known, and even lesser felt, “higher phase.” I’ve always been afraid of heights, but this isn’t a scary climb. I like the view. The view of us.

So thank you

thank you for making it easy to grow. I feel like I can reach the sun.