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The things I miss, #1

Letters, HeartbreakJessie MaComment

Beauty fades. And more importantly, it’s commonplace. There have been and will always be pretty girls. So ask yourself, “What makes her, just her, so special and irresistible to me? What do I feel about her that I don’t, can’t, about anyone else in my life? Why do I really love her, a reason that’s exclusive and unchangeable?”

I guess I’m trying to say.. I miss you telling me that I’m independent and strong. That I’m an unstoppable force, charismatic and intelligent. That my jokes aren’t shallow and stupid but have layers of wit behind them. That I’m caring and giving, generous and thoughtful. That I’m friendly and down to earth, all while demanding respect.

You would compliment my mind, the very core controller of my existence. And those were the times I felt truly confident. Beauty became a laughable concept- why would I need to be concerned about how I look when I’m capable of so much more than being a decoration? I felt magnetic. A magnet, no matter what shape or structure, attractive because of its elements.

And I miss how, if you did talk about physical attractiveness, you’d never settle for the word “pretty.” You’d tell me you couldn’t stop staring at the asymmetrical dimples that adorn the sides of my smile. That the curve on the small of my back invites your fingers to trace its outline up to the nape of my neck, down to the inside of my knees, around to the smooth surface of my stomach. That my sleepy eyes come off sultry, and my surprised eyes look like an anime characters’, and in the subtle lighting of my room at dawn, they suck you in like a kaleidoscope. That my lap is your head’s perfect napping place and my fingers tangle into yours like a jigsaw puzzle. That you want to brush the bangs out of my face to kiss me sacredly, “sign of the cross” style- cheek, cheek, forehead, lips. That you find it adorable when I eat, whether nibbling on my food like a bunny or scarfing it down like a wolf. That I dance with vitality and walk with pride, talk with conviction and laugh with a lust for life.

I loved how you always seemed to notice so much more than a 2-dimensional image that can be summed up in a 1-dimensional word.